Too foolish to talk about -
Hi. Did you miss me last week? Sorry, I felt I couldn't make it. You see, once again the powers that be were putting me to the test I had a heart attack.
It was doctor who told me that. I wasn't going to argue with him because he is one big bear of a man. In fact, I think that if he met a bear out by the Gander hospital, he would drop dead from freight. But this big man has a heart of gold. He has something every doctor should have - compassion.
I went off track there, so let's get back on the right course. Remember when I used to end my news column saying I wasn't well. Know something? I wasn't well, but I had no idea it was my heart that was causing all the problems.
You see, I always thought that all the Tulks had hearts full of love and kindness. I didn't even take into consideration that I have other blood in me, and when you have a big mixture like me, you could kick the bucket anytime.
Anyway, I was feeling all ops and brooms on the morning I was admitted to the hospital. I decided to take my dog for his morning walk, and I couldn't even make it to the end of my driveway. I started feeling tightness in my chest. I blamed it on the wind and being overweight. The only thing I didn't blame it on was my dog.
I decided to go to the hospital in Brookfield. After all, I could have been coming down with that darn Swine Flu. To tell the truth, I did tell my dog that I was finished eating bacon, ham and pork chops.
But I was in no hurry; I had to make a few stops to pay some bills. Because of the high wind I asked my nephew to drive me in his car. Now, if I were feeling like my old self, the wind would never blow high enough to stop me.
The first stop was the bank. I'm some glad I didn't have a fatal heart attack in that place. Just think, they have a camera in that building, and if I died, they could have got it all on film. And knowing a bank, they would have sold it to CBC for a tidy sum.
The next stop was the New-Wes-Valley council building. This is another place I'm glad I never kicked the bucket. If I died there the headline on the newspaper would have screamed, ""Taxpayer died due to dirty drinking water.""
By the way, kick the bucket is an old outport saying, but what does it have to do with dying? I never even heard of someone dying from kicking a bucket.
Finally, I reached the hospital. After signing in, I went to see a doctor. My God, things moved fast. First, they hooked me up to a monitor, and before I could take a good deep breath, they had me in a bed on the ward. Next thing I was told I had to be transported to Gander on the ambulance. I never had time to them I wasn't sick, and I only had the Swine Flu.
I had a wonderful trip to Gander. They had this tiny little nurse with me who looked like a doll. No wonder I had a fast heart beat when I got to Gander - any normal man's heart would speed up just looking at that woman.
Then I got the news - I had a heart attack. I couldn't believe it. I always thought that if you had a heart attack there would be pain, but with me there was no pain, just tightness in my chest.
Now, there is always a reason for any discomfort you have. Excessive sweating is a sign of a heart attack. If you're tired that is another sign. I was tired all the time, but I thought I was lazy. Another thing I have to say, a big potbelly is also a sign.
So now I'm stuck in Gander, waiting to get to St. John's. I must say, the nurses and the staff here are the best. I'm getting lots of tender loving care.
Debbie Forward, whatever you're fighting for, go for it - the nurses deserve it.
Danny Williams, wake up and smell the coffee, these nurses are overworked and understaffed. You needed more people for a useless government, but the health boards need more workers for better healthcare.
By the way, I still can't have a big scoff of bacon, ham or pork chops, because it's fattening food that could block your arteries.
Now, they have me hooked up to some IV because I have blockages. Why don't they hook me up to some Drano - it works perfectly on the sewer lines.
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